and count every beautiful thing we can see

102 days

at 99 days I'm making a paper chain. although i think i threw away all of my construction paper. people at work have started making me write down how i do things so that they can learn before i leave. wrapping things with foil neatly, organizing the freezer, and converting recipies never seem like difficult or significant tasks but it's nice being appreciated i guess.

holly and rachel called last night after 24-7. i was tired and already in my pajamas but i changed and went and hung out with them anyway. it was fun, we went to wal-mart and bought people presents. it's been really good being forced to be more intentional about who i hang out with. spending more time alone was something i was really fearing but it's been really sweet so far. Hanging out with girls I don't live with is amazing, although less convenient.

Hopefully soon my life will have more of a routine. Actually, my life may not have a routine again for about 2.5 years and I'm trying to decide how I feel about that. I think it'll be good. I spend way too much time every week in various coffee houses around Iowa City (mentally rating them based on parking, the speed of their wireless connection, the chance I'll run into a friend, and the number of flies present) filling out preparation paperwork about my weaknesses and trying not to freak out about getting my wisodom teeth taken out. Yikes. It's been fun so far but I think I'm becoming "a regular" at more than one coffee house and that scares me. And I always end up being "that girl" because I get 43 phone calls a day from Jess either yelling racial epithets about her co-workers/fellow commuters or without anything to say but was bored so she just called.

Thus is my life. Highlighted by e-mails from Kate from Nairobi giving me tips on malaria prevention and how to not fall in love with your teammates. I also get to see Jennifer and Lorraine more, and this week I even got to talk on the phone with Bryan's Economic Geography professor. I wish it would have been his Cartography professor because Cartography is so sexy. I thought I had something else to say but i don't.

peace out

tonight i think i walk alone

Tim called tonight and wanted to hang out so I skipped 24-7 and we went to a movie. Tim and I have very different taste in movies but we don’t really have much to talk about, so going to movies is a good choice. We decided on The Exorcism of Emily Rose. It wasn’t bad- there was a scene in the courtroom when I’m pretty sure I saw the sound guy ducking down behind the judge. We’ll wait and see when it’s out on DVD. One of the last lines of the movie was the verdict of the priest (I’m about to ruin the movie so stop reading if you care) and the jury decided that he was guilty but suggested that he had already served his sentence so the judge said “you are guilty…and free to go” which I thought was kind of cool because that’s you know, parallel of our salvation. The movie had a few good spiritual moments. The epitaph on her gravestone was Philippians 2:12 “work out your own salvation with fear and trembling” which has been on my mind lately. I was reading the Moby interview in Relevant and he mentioned that verse and how he really can't be sure that he's going to heaven. Assurance of salvation is kind of a big deal in my line of work, so I'm really not sure how I feel about that. Perhaps I should look into it.

Oh. Back to the movie. At one point the demon-posessed girl is screaming in Aramaic and she yells “Judas” which in Aramaic is pronounced Yudai…which freaked me out but I don’t think Tim even noticed. Then I had to drive home through cornfields that are most definitely full of bad guys and demonic forces. Good thing it’s almost harvest so they don’t have anywhere to hide…except in the pile of stuffed animals in the corner of the bedroom I live in. My biggest fear is that one morning I’m going to wake up and they’re all going to be facing me, like, looking at me. Seriously freaks me out.

so different without you?

goodbye count: 2

i went over to kate's last night after work to say goodbye. instead of saying goodbye we mostly talked about our fear of STD's and how ignorant our parents were about our high school boyfriends. chances are i won't see her for about 3 years. my mom is convinced that we'll see each other at conferences and stuff but I think that our ministries are really different and I shouldn't get my hopes up. i have absolutely no concept of not seeing someone in that amount of time. i made her go to sleep around 1:30 (which was ridiculous because it was an hour and a half before she had to wake up to leave for the airport) and I said "okay bye" and hugged her and apologized for not being emotional and left. I saw Laura yesterday and she was like "what are you going to do without Kate? are you so sad? she loves you so much!" and i was all "um, yeah i don't know" so then i kind of felt guilty for not being in touch with the reality of the situation. i'm sure it'll hit me in like a week when i want to go camping or drive to missouri or something and she's not there because she's building her hut in mozambique. speaking of which, i should probably take her name out of my phone so i don't call her mom and ask if she's there and make her mom cry.

oh but i did cash in on the stuff she couldn't fit in her suitcase. books and school supplies and lots of stuff you can take from my house when you come over to say goodbye to me.

114 days


ps- contrary to previous judgment - turns out i really do like neutral milk hotel

lord, give me a reaction, lord give me a chance

i decided that i'm done arguing with people about organic food. it's just silly. it's not even that i care that much, but sometimes it's easy to get me...passionate. i think this is mostly because i can't handle it when people don't let me finish sentences. if you want to argue with me, just don't let me finish my sentences. i think that's the only reason i even do this blog thing- because no one can interupt me. i'll listen politely and maybe even pretend that i haven't heard 40 other people whine about spending 2 extra bucks on a gallon of milk, but i'm done arguing about it. you can even tell me that you're going to use the money you save on pesticided food to save dying babies in china and i'll say "good job" and won't even look at you like you're lying.

from this point on, my only stance on the issue is that it shouldn't even be an issue. large production farming should have never corrupted the way we feed people and our greed is just a result of living in a fallen world. we were never meant to have to make decisions like this. i admit that it was over-dramatic, but when i yelled "this issue is dividing the church, and when we argue about it, satan is winning" quite loudly in the kitchen at work last night, i think i was right.

so don't be offended when i say "no thanks" to your chocolate milk, i just don't want cancer.

the kids, esa and malcom in front of the church where esa first heard about jesus 

i missed my exit because i got distracted and took this picture. it was a lot closer than it looks! 

remember how prince lives in the twin cities?

I went to Minneapolis this weekend with 2 pastors and a youth group from Charles City to take a tour of the refugee area there. It was quite the experience. I learned just as much about the ignorance of Christian leaders as I did about ministry but that's okay. We had African food for lunch and bought pretty cloth and I only cried twice. I hadn't heard the call to prayer since Africa (except that one time at Parkview...when I also cried) and it kind of took me by surprise. Malcolm, our host, was really great and excited to have us there and I can't wait to go back and spend more time with him, and less time picking out bracelets with 5th graders.

it really is greener on this side

My parent's lawn is perfect. I can't remember when it got that way but I love it. I feel guilty for liking it but I really do. It's always cut at a good length, many would think it was too long, but it's always a really good green color and really soft to walk on and I think it's because of the length. Also the 4 step fertilizer system and automatic sprinklers I guess... I justify my admiration because it's more than aesthetic because I use it. This use mostly involves laying in the middle of the back yard at night and talking on the phone, which this lawn is perfect for. I'm about to go do that now because I don't really have a bedroom anymore and as it turns out, the lawn also makes a really good hiding place.

unpacking is much more fun

I had to babysit last night and it dawned on me how American I am. I made them grilled cheese sandwiches and opened their Trix yogurt for them and made them drink their milk. I made Jacob turn off the TV to finish his homework while I drove Marissa to soccer and let Zach bring his Gameboy because he just got the Lego Star Wars game for his birthday. We got home and I pitched to Zach (he also got a new bat for his birthday) and pushed Micah on the swing hanging from the tree in the backyard. I convinced him to take the band-aid off his owie because it was only halfway attached to his knee. I told him it wouldn't hurt even though I knew it would for a second or two but that he'd forget when I pretended to be grossed out by his wound. It was so funny. I loved it but I was still glad to get paid and drive away from that life.

I stopped by my apartment to grab hangers and my pillow and had a “what was I thinking” moment and mourned my last chance at living alone for the next 3 years or so. I decided that it would be okay since I’ll still have the apartment to go hang out in (and clean) whenever I want, which will probably be every day after work until I get everything done.

It was so strange to panic about moving in with Vicki. It was just a day of being out of control and I couldn’t handle it. I think I’m ready to panic when I get to Sheffield, but I know that I’ll be walking into a blank slate, a place where I get to decide where my bed goes and I know there will be room for my shoes. So even if I panic about being away from home, at least it will be in a place that I can make look familiar. Right? I just think I wasn't ready to move in with people who are already living a life that I'm not familiar with at all. It was a good lesson. Basically I’m just learning a lot about myself. And that’s what it’s all about.

I moved today

I’ve moved into lots of places before but never somewhere that’s not my own. I packed up my stuff and drove the 10 minutes to my new residence. I got here and was ready to put away my clothes and shoes and the little things that make places look like I live in them, but someone had already been doing that in this room for about 10 years.

Yudai told me about these tours they used to have at Chernobyl. You can pay someone to take you into old preschool classrooms where the finger paints and crayons are still out on the tables, or houses where dinner is still on the table and the phone is laying off the hook from getting the phone call telling them to leave everything behind and run for safety. The tour company went bankrupt because people got so creeped out that no one ever finished a tour. Being surrounded by evidence of someone’s life that they got up and walked (or ran) out of is just weird.

I’m now living in a room full of the ghosts of someone else’s past life. The volleyball jerseys are from the rival high school, the Jones Soda bottles are Cherry instead of Green Apple, and the American Girl books are about Kirsten instead of Samantha. The “Good Luck at State” posters all say “Jessica” instead of “Swope,” which makes me jealous because I always wanted to be the girl who went by her long name but I was the girl everyone called by her last name (those are two very different girls).

On a brighter note, I have cable about 10 feet away from my room, the spice rack is organic and alphabetized, and my apartment is still furnished and available for out of town visitors.