So I'm constantly, and i do mean constantly, seeing people on the street or characters in movies and either noticing or telling myself that they in some way resemble Travis (my dead brother). For a while it was just his name - I could never really tell if I actually liked Travis (the band) or if it was just comfortable to like a band with my brother's name that played sad songs. Next it was people on TV who had his nose or chin or noticably large adam's apple. Then it was personality, which is interesting because I made up the personality traits that reminded me of him. I basically continually manifest what he would be like if he were still alive based on people who kind of look like him but are older than 17, or act in any way like someone I would want for an older brother. At least once a month I have to re-convince myself that B. Luke Pomranky is not my brother, and that even if my brother was alive, he would most likely not be anything like Luke.
So after realizing this strange phenomenon, I realized that there are certain people in my life who's personalities I alter in my mind. I tried to put it into words (ask Jess about the explanation of the Time/Space/Eli Continuum) how this happens but it didn't really work.
It's become a lot more than just forgetting that Jess isn't Mary-Claire or that "the guy with the goatee" is Jonny K and Jon who went to Uganda and Jon Killpack. It has a lot to do with the fact that I've had at least 3 personalities in the past 5 years of my life so I separate how people know me or think of me (see: Pilot episode of My So-Called Life) based on how much they know about me.
More on that later.
Yes. And AMEN, and all that.
12 years ago
