i have doubt...but at least i also have diggity

So the world is definitely saying "stay." This has become exeedingly annoying. It all started when I had surgery. The comforts of home and American hospitals stirred this little voice that reminded me of the sights (and smells) of the hospitals in Africa. The love and care of my family made me lonely just thinking about life without them so far away. God definitely used this ordeal to make me realize that it's not going to be superfuntime, but I felt really encouraged that even though the world was whispering "stay, stay," in my heart I still felt God saying (just as boldly as before) "go."

Then a dear friend comes to visit and we're having this amazing talk and he mentions his discontent with foreign missions. I'm still not sure what exactly he meant by this, but the mere notion that he might not be completely supportive of my trying to get overseas was so discouraging. I see now that it was easy for me to get over realizing that physical and emotional comfort is something of the world, but to be slapped in the face with the possibility that someone i deeply respect could disagree took a lot more to get past. I'm not saying that I'm content with foreign missions, yet I'm so sure at this point that there is some way that God can use me overseas that I had to put the opinions of people I cherish in the "of the world" pile, and keep on seeking God's will and timing.

Then today. First, I get a promotion at my job. My boss expresses his trust in me, offers me a sweet deal, preferably long term, and I start to get comfortable just thinking about how much I would love to stay here. I call my mom to tell her about it; she asks what my five year plan is, not happy to hear that school is basically out of it, and very not happy about me living in Africa definitely being in it. So yeah, for a long time it seemed like since there were no other options besides missions that it just made sense that God was sending me...other options had yet to be a problem. Go figure. stupid devil trying to throw me off track. rude.

ok bye