Subj: I am a giant Starbucks nutball

I got this email from Bender after I told her I got a job at Starbucks. I've been coming across it in my inbox for a while now and crack up every time I read it so I thought I'd share. I'm sure she'll be really glad that I put it on the internet. It's pretty long, but definitely worth it!

Hi, You may remember me as Laura, which i go by for the most part but sometimes when i get really really excited and friendly at work I say that i am different people. You see, I work at the place of Starbucks. We don't even know what kind of a silly name this is but we don't even ask about it as we put on our green aprons and make loads and loads of coffee and say the words of would you like a pastry? My husband thinks that pastry is a funny word to say and should be omitted from everyone's vocabulary, i have other friends that feel the same way about the words moist and crevice especially when they are used together.

So...as i am working at this place i get put on "Drive Thru" a lot. On account of my speedy hands, feet and voice. You should see my body it is like a superhero. Well somedays i get to make all the drinks for Drive Thru and other times i get to talk to the people that come through the lane. At first i was very normal and polite about asking what they wanted and then sometimes when they would ask me how I was. I told them that i was very uncomfortable stuck in that little box and asked them if they could please get me out or at least pass me some water through the little vents so that i would not get thirsty. After a while i got tired of this and so i needed some new ideas.

I decided to replace, "Good Morning welcome to Starbucks, this is Laura.---or whatever else i would say" With a different person's name. Now most of the people don't even listen to what the heck i say on account of they are trying to remember if Vinte or Tall is the biggest or smallest and how to pronounce Carmel Macchiatto...I got Markalarde one time and i fined this guy 50.00 for not saying it right. Anyways, these people usually don't listen to me say my schpeel but if they did WOWWIE WOW WOW they would be talking to Brittney Spears, or Barbra Striesand, or my new Character of Yoda...who asks questions in this manner. "Pastry would you like?" Oh i am a funny girl. Plus also sometimes when they ask me to wait just a second i hum the JEPORDY theme to them and then they REALLY cannot think.

You must realize that you are being watched by a camera when you go through drive through so I can see all of their expressions as they hear, ignore, or don't hear my little Laurisms.

OK right now we are at the main part of the story...sorry this is so long. Yesterday i really wanted to be a Disney Character and i settled on the Little Mermaid. Now the customers that do hear me and the ones that have come to know me like to play along and ask me how i can be inside when i am a fish...and all sorts of other breathing problems. I not so kindly tell them about the Prince and my dad's amazing lazer spear that shot my aqua green fins apart and now i can walk about on two feet thank you very much. Well, i really wasn't feeling Oceany enough and decided i REALLY needed to get into character. So when one unsuspecting guy (who's name is Dan and he get's a tall coffee with a little cream). Came up to the drive through window. I suddenly remembered the part in the movie when Ariel is singing her song. and get's to the part..."Sometimes they walk, sometimes they run, sometimes the PLAY ALL DAY IN THE SUN...................................." She pushes her merbody up on the rock with all her mermight and the waves come crashing around her. SO i crouched down in my little drive through place and when Dan got to the window i pushed myself up through the window with all my might and scared the seaweed out of him.

My mom used the words, "Laura...know when to say when" very often on me, so today i told my manager that he could say those words to me when i got out of control. That is all.

Love,
Laura