not fit to be

I found out today that my dad has been in the hospital since Tuesday. He'd been having chest pains for a couple weeks and went to the emergency room and has been there ever since. I found out because I heard my brother talking about it to someone else in another room. I had no idea what was going on so I called my stepmom on my way home. Turns out the chest pains were all stress-related because after a few days of testing they couldn't find anything wrong! Which is pretty surprising because he had 5 bypasses about 12 years ago and sometimes those only last about 10 years. It was hard to be out of the loop on something that could have been a really serious situation. Basically it was just another case of me being out of touch with my family out of laziness and selfishness. I haven't seen or talked to my stepmom since Christmas. I always get myself so worked up about it. The family stuff really is hard for me but it doesn't make it any easier to ignore it until someone is in the hospital. It's just a lot of work. I'm trying really hard not to run from it. I'm meeting Keely at the hospital tomorrow morning and will hopefully make plans to hang out with them every couple of weeks when my neice and nephew are there visiting so that I can be in their lives, too. This whole "new season" business is so great, but sometimes it's a little overwhelming. I just need to learn to be at peace with the family God has put me in and learn what it means to be a daughter. To them, and to God.