summary sentence

"paradoxically gregarious yet painfully shy; longing for attention and at the same time find it mortifying"

my day to day scene

memo:

I will, until further notice, always be insecure and jealous of people who "have it together."

"Have it together" is defined by a combination of childhood experiences, talents, areas of wisdom, vowel pronunciation, musical preference, spiritual convictions, and hundreds of other factors which I currently, and will continue to, place into a heirarchy of worth which only I can understand or validate.

There is no reason for you to try to understand where you are placed on this heirarchy of better-than-angieness because there are many perspectives to take into account, most of which I've created in my head.

It is also unneccessary and counter-productive for you to try and break down this behavior pattern. When you try to break down my insecurity all you do is break down the foundation of my interaction with people and make me cry. It's just a bad idea.

Don't worry, I'm leaving the country soon so if you'd like to be released from this heirarchy, you'll get your chance soon. Until then, I appoligize.